Psalm 30

Yesterday I was visiting Mom and we decided to do a little Bible study. She said, "I want to look up a verse about joy because I feel like I need some more joy in my life." So I remembered a song verse that says, "Though sorrow may last for a night, His joy comes in the morning" and I looked in the back of my Bible for a reference to that verse. I found it in Psalm 30, and read the entire psalm out loud.

1 I will exalt you, Lord , for you rescued me.
You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.
2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
and you restored my health.
3 You brought me up from the grave, O Lord .
You kept me from falling into the pit of death.

4 Sing to the Lord , all you godly ones!
Praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.

6 When I was prosperous, I said,
"Nothing can stop me now!"
7 Your favor, O Lord , made me as secure as a mountain.
Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered.

8 I cried out to you, O Lord .
I begged the Lord for mercy, saying,
9 "What will you gain if I die,
if I sink into the grave?
Can my dust praise you?
Can it tell of your faithfulness?
10 Hear me, Lord , and have mercy on me.
Help me, O Lord ."

11 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
12 that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

I thought, wow...this is a great passage that we need to really think about. So I personalized it for Mom and read it out loud again.

1 I will exalt you, Lord , for you rescued my mom.
You refused to let Pulmonary Hyperstension triumph over her.
2 O Lord our God, we cried to you for help,
and you restored Mom's health.
3 You brought her up from the grave, O Lord .
You kept her from falling into the pit of death.

4 We will Sing to the Lord , all us who know you!
Praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.

6 Before Pulmonary Hypertension, she said,
"Nothing can stop me now!"
7 Your favor, O Lord , made me as secure as a mountain.
Then you allowed this to strike, and her pride was shattered.

8 She gave her heart to you, she cried out to you, O Lord .
She begged the Lord for mercy, saying,
9 "What will you gain if I die,
if I sink into the grave?
Can my dust praise you?
Can it tell of your faithfulness?
10 Hear me, Lord , and have mercy on me.
Help me, O Lord ."

11 You have turned our mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away our clothes of mourning and clothed us with joy,
12 that we might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, we will give you thanks forever!

Mom said, "it's like He wrote that just for me."

A cool thing about it is that I don't remember ever reading this passage with these 'eyes'...through the lenses that I did yesterday. God uses His Word to touch our hearts when we need it. He perfectly provides what we need at the time we need it.

It is quickly becoming a passage that I am learning to confess over Mom. She was once lost and didn't know her need for God, but now she has accepted Him in her life and knows she is His child. He will get glory from anything, whether life or death...but we believe that Mom has so much in her that she will be used in the Kingdom for great and mighty things after she is healed.

Sufficient Grace

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I spent some time with mom and dad this week. She had been to Cleveland again earlier in the month for a checkup, and was in good spirits during that visit. She mentioned how beautiful all the snow was as they drove up to Ohio. Her checkup went as well as possible and Mom and Dad were encouraged to know that there are about 4-5 'hits' each day: lungs that become available that go through the process of being matched to a donor...That's a good number, but so far, no matches. The doctors told them, "We really like you. You're special, and we soooo want to find a match for you!" If only that was all we needed! Mom would have been running around with Ella and Allie long ago!

After returning home, Mom had some chest pains, which resulted in her waking Daddy up in the middle of the night and going to the ER in Columbia. She was diagnosed with pneumonia and put on many antibiotics and meds to help ease her pain. She was released after about 6 days.

Since then, she's been feeling very puny. She's been vomiting, coughing, and generally too weak to do much more than lay in bed.

I took the girls down to see her and bring some encouragement on Monday. She got some good snuggle time with Ella in the bed as they watched Dora the Explorer and other cartoons and took some naps together. It's getting tougher, though, to be able to bring the girls down because of all the activity they bring with them. It's just too much for her to endure.

I had a few special moments with her by ourselves. I was able to give her a massage on her back and head (she's a sucker for a back scratch and head rub! That must be where I get it from, cause I love it, too).

She's getting weaker, to put it bluntly. I am just past the sugar-coating stage. Is that OK? I don't even know who reads this anyway, so it's more like a journal for me to document the journey when I get a few minutes here and there.

God told us that when we are weak, He is strong. When we are wasting away, He is being built up. He said that His grace is sufficient for us. His power is made perfect in our weakness.

I am seeing that happen in Mom. The peace that overwhelms her circumstances is precious. She has fought a good fight. She is still fighting, and I believe that she will finish well, whether that includes coming out on the other end of a successful lung transplant or not. God is becoming more in her as she becomes less. Her gentle and contrite spirit God will not reject.

And I continue to give God glory for what is happening. I will not blame Him. He is the author of LIFE, not death. He has sustained us through this. And He promises that this world is not the end, but the beginning of an eternal life which He has provided for us through his Son, Jesus Christ. I am thankful that both she and my dad have put their trust in Him alone.

So if there is anyone else reading this, I encourage you to continue to seek Him as you think about Mom. I pray that the eyes of your hearts will be opened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.

Caretaking

Giving around-the-clock care is difficult, to say the least. My dad, as I have mentioned before, does a pretty amazing job at keeping Mom alive, comfortable and cared for. But things can get pretty tense (as anyone would imagine) when one's life is flipped up-side-down and the day to day activities and thoughts literally revolve around another's care. So here are a few tips for anyone who finds himself in the role of a caretaker.

15 Tips to Help You Care for Your Family Yourself

1. Eat smart and exercise. You'll be surprised at the energy you'll gain from choosing nutritious foods and finding time for some daily physical activity.
   
2. Get plenty of rest.
3. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself credit for what you do.
4. Set realistic goals and expectations.
5. Cut yourself some slack. Nobody’s perfect. Even the best caregivers occasionally find themselves getting impatient, stressed or frustrated. Learn to think about these feelings not as evidence of your failure but as cues that you need some time to yourself.
6. Schedule “me time.” Caregiving is a job and rest is your earned right. Reward yourself with respite breaks often.
7. Set limits and let everyone know what they are.
8. When people offer to help, accept the offer and suggest specific things they can do.
9. Watch for signs of depression, and don’t delay in getting professional help when you need it.
10. Grieve your losses, and then allow yourself to dream new dreams.
11. Learn what helps you relieve stress – keep a list and use it. Try walking, reading, listening to music, take up a new hobby, or take a nap!
12. Remember your spiritual health. You can make good use of your own spiritual beliefs to cope during difficult times. Many caregivers find great solace in meditation, prayer or time spent in nature.
13. Share your feelings with family and friends.
14. Seek support from other caregivers. There is great comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Talk with other caregivers at PH support group meetings, and try to arrange for a caregiver support group to be held at the same time as your local patient group. Also be sure to sign up for our email group for caregivers and other family members of PH patients. Join PHA Family now (Requires a free Google account. Please allow a short delay while your group membership is processed.)
15. If it gets to be “too much,” talk to your doctor, another healthcare professional or a member of the clergy.
    

The Everyday Reality of It All.

Last Friday was my 31st birthday...and I was excited because Mom and Dad were going to be coming up to see us. It's always a big deal when they come up because rarely does Mom have the energy to travel and be in a different place. It's way easier for them to stay home and have us come to them. But they had offered to give us some free babysitting so we could have a birthday date night.

Unfortunately, they had to cancel on Friday afternoon because Mom was having a migraine and just wasn't feeling up to it. We totally understood, and were able to secure other childcare provisions (thanks to Brandon's mom). But I'd be lying to you if I didn't admit I was just a smidge disappointed. But that's the reality of it. The everyday reality of it.

A Great Encouragement

"But let us encourage one another--and even more as we see the Day approaching!" -Hebrews 10:25

We have been so encouraged since we have partnered with the National Transplant Assistance Fund (NTAF). To date, we have had over 50 individuals and corporations generously contribute to our lung transplant fund. That money has been (or will be) used to pay for bills that medical insurance doesn't cover...things like travel expenses while going back and forth to Cleveland, OH for bi-monthly checkups, medicine and other medical bills.

You may or may not understand what a wonderful thing it is to have some of the stress related to finances for this disease lifted off of our family's shoulders. It allows us to concentrate more readily on taking the best care of Mom...and allows her less worry and more time to concentrate on hanging in there, taking good care of herself, and making the most of every opportunity to live life to the fullest.

So, it seems like such a small thing to say (rather, type) THANK YOU, but if you're reading this and you are one of the many who have helped us, we would like to do just that.

Thankful for Comic Relief!

Mom and Dad were able to join us for Thanksgiving this year. I made my first Turkey Day feast (see my other blog, http://berrybrandonnicole.blogspot.com for more info on that), and we had a wonderful time together with Brandon's family.

One funny thing that happened was before we ate, we all went around the table sharing what everyone was thankful for in our lives. At the beginning of this exercise, Ella announced that she had to use the potty (she's in training these days), so someone ushered her excitedly into the bathroom. We heard her potty play the reward music and she ran back into the living room announcing, "I did it!!!". We all clapped and congratulated her and then went back to our pre-meal sharing time.

Then as Mom was sharing what was in her heart...and the tears were coming to us as emotions were running high, Ella decided that our applause wasn't enough for her because she ran back to the bathroom and carried her potty (it hadn't even yet been emptied!) down the hall and to the dining table, exclaiming, "Guys, I pee-peed in the POTTY! See?????"



Thank God for a little comic relief, right?

Another Good E & A Fix

After being discharged from the Cleveland Clinic this weekend, Mom and Dad stopped in Greenville to see us on Sunday night on their way home. It had been a while since their last "E & A fix", and they needed a booster shot, so to speak.

The girls were excited to see Grammy and Pappy, too. We let them stay up a little later on Sunday night to see them when they arrived. We all went to bed shortly after that and woke up on Monday morning to some good breakfast and family time.

Brandon had to go into the office around lunch, but the rest of us stayed home and enjoyed each other's company immensely. It is interesting to see how much we cherish each minute now. Some of them are filled with joy, some sadness...it's all a part of the process, I guess. We are past the wierdness of spontaneous tears...they seem to come and go throughout the day. But, for the most part, we're just having fun watching Ella and Allie be awesome kids.

Allie has always had eyes for her Grammy. Mom says she looks at her like she sees her soul or something. It's fun to watch them stare at each other. Allie has gotten to be quite active now, though, so she'll grab for Mom's oxygen mask or at her Flolan tubes, so I have to be close by to make sure things stay where they should...supervised visits!

They left on Tuesday morning, and headed to Columbia. It had been a week since they'd been home and seen their kitties, who I'm sure, were very glad to have them back.

If all goes as planned and Mom's up to it, I'm hosting Thanksgiving at my house and both families will be here to celebrate.

We have much to be thankful for.